P.S

to: Rein and TC

after you read my post, please

-Don't talk bout it at school before we agree to talk bout it together. I hate it.
-Please write what you're think bout it at this blog too.

thx
~vermillion

Is it my life recently like?

Chill out, whatcha yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before.
And if, you could only let it be... you will see

I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're talkin' to me one-on-one,
But you've become--

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back,
Like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool--
you look like a fool to me.

Tell me,
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
But life's like this, you--
You fall, and you crawl, and you break,
And you take what you get, and turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no...

-->this is a part of "complicated" performed by Avril Lavigne
~vermillion

Today is A NOT SO GOOD DAY

and it's a super very bad day.
It all started at this morning when I go to school.
I forgot to bring my school fee envelope
(1st damn!)
and of course my parents angry.
-->alright this is my fault. I agree if they mad.
Now why can i sit in front of a computer and writing (or typing) this post is because i (and all of the Modern Dancer) weren't allowed to attend the class. The teacher said, "From this day to saturday there are no place for you on the class!"

and now the dancing teacher can't come to this school so we can't practice.
(2nd damn!)
-->WTF! why must i paid the school fee!!!

Something happen between TC and Rein! A little quarrel i guess. But looks like TC doesn't wanna face it and finish the problem! And I hate to look at TC with such that terrible face! I came to Rein, ask whats the matter (or maybe rein come to me to explain it, i don't know which one happen first) rein told me the story. But rein don't wanna comunnicate the problem with TC.

their quarrel is makin me sick
(3rd damn!)

and my granny still at ICCU
(4th unlucky things)

the clothes i washed haven't dry yet!
(5th damn!)

and I don't know what will happen after this.........

why does evrything's so confusing??

~vermillion

I'd Do Anything

RP a.k.a Roaming Phantom,
I dedicated this song for you.
I've never heard the song before.
But, I want to dedicate the lyrics for you.


"I'd Do Anything"

Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting

And I wrote this letter in my head
Cuz so many things were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight

This could be the one last chance
To make you understand

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you

Together we broke all the rules
Dreaming of dropping out of school
And leave this place
To never come back

So now maybe after all these years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting

This could be the one last chance to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you

I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you
Nanana (....)
And I'd do anything for you
Nanana (....)

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you

I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
Cuz I know
I won't forget you


Tormented Complex (TC)

I Really Mean Nothing For You

Tired…
Whew…
Tired mentally and physically.
Something bothers my mind.
Really bothers me.
I think I know what it is.
But, I just don’t want to admit it.
I was quite disappointed tonight.
Really upset by something.
Well…
I can’t talk to nobody now.
I really need a time to be alone.
Really alone.
Isolated from the society.
Just me alone…
Actually, I’m alone already.
Almost every time…
But, for today, I really need a time of peace.
Maybe I should cool my head down.
I really want to disappear if this is the case.
But, there’s still somebody that disapprove my wish to disappear.
I want BD out forever.
Controlling this main body.
Because, with the mind of TC, the health of this body will only deteriorate.
I don’t understand.
And maybe will never understand.
BD can handle things better.
The theory of the tears that had dried up is a true.
I feel torn out.
It is really hurt inside me.
But, I can’t shed any more tears.
I try another alternatives.
Silly way, actually.
I watched one video that made me burst out into tears when I watched it for the first time.
It didn’t work.
Yeah, I know, silly thing.
Just want to try…
Maybe shedding some tears can make me feel better.
The problem is, it has dried up.
What should I do?
Honestly, I don’t know.
Maybe I’ll put BD out again.
But, with BD out there, I hurt someone.
Now, I feel so wrong.
Everything is wrong.
Either BD or TC, it’ll only bring disaster.
Maybe, third personality will make some changes?
I don’t know…
I just want to be alone.
By the way, I have a message for someone I know who will read this routinely.
I you have read this, please, don’t ask what happen to me.
Don’t ask if I’m okay.
Don’t say that you worry for me.
Don’t say that your heart hurt reading this.
Don’t say anything, okay?
You asked me earlier what I want, right?
This is what I want.
I want to be alone for a while.
I just need a time.
I’ll promise, I’ll be back to normal in no time.
Just don’t bother me first…
Other things.
Don’t cry.
Don’t hurt yourself.
Don’t do something harmful.
You’ll upset me more.
Sorry, okay?
Maybe this message sounds harsh.
But, you know, that’s what I need now.
I’m so sorry.
I don’t mean to hurt you.
I just want to express what inside my heart.
Please, don’t take this wrong.
I still want you beside me.
I still need you.
Just for once.
Give me a time, okay?
Please, keep your promises too.


Tormented Complex (TC)