Dissimilarity

This is BD.
For the first time I exist in this body, I get a whole day for myself!
TC is hiding deep inside me.
But, TC asks me to write what one of many problems in her mind and post it.
TC needs answers that maybe can settle her mind to disappear completely.
TC has started to disappear gradually.
TC wants to sleep forever inside me.
Here is one thing that TC wants to say:

People say every people are unique in their own way.
Divergence in society is something that we should be grateful of.
We are different form the others.
But, even in this diversion, I still can’t find my place.
I’m lost.
Too many differences that I have to face and that has stressed me out beyond my limit.
I look around me, but I found nobody.
I really feel that I’m out of place.
I do have several friends around me.
As the time goes by, I feel that they’re running too fast, away from me.
I’m not capable of chasing them.
They’re really out of reach now.
Really far away.
I don’t know what I should do.
I don’t know if there’re still chances for me to get them back.
To approach them, I’m really not sure of myself.
I don’t know if they still trust me.
Still take me as their friend.
I don’t know if I’m still needed.
I don’t want to back to my old one.
I don’t want to put and create many masks in front of people.
I don’t want to pretend as someone that I myself can’t recognize.
I don’t want to look in the mirror and scream “This isn’t me! I’m not what I am!”
I don’t know where I should go next.
If I lost them, what should I do?
Should I be the old me again?
An ignorance one that didn’t care what actually happen.
Or a new me?
The one that doesn’t have it’s true self?
Only pretending as someone and erase my true identity away?
Why there’re some many differences between me and my friends?
Fate…
Is what you try to tell me here, is that they have left me and I’m alone again?
Where should I go?
Nowhere?
Why there’re so many gap among us?
Am I the one that not worthy enough to be with them?
Not worthy enough to stand beside them?
Well, maybe yes.
Maybe the answer is yes.
I have to put BD out more frequently.
Maybe with that personality, this lifeless body can get a decent place to rest.
A place where at least people see me.
Even though they never admit me as their friends, at least this body is seen.
I’m seen.
I don’t want to be forever invisible.
But, I don’t have my light and shine.
That’s why people never see me.
I’m the part of darkness that makes the place wherever I go veiled with void, emptiness, hopelessness and catastrophe.



Well, that’s all…



BD

What are Tears? What Pain Feels Like? How Does It Feels Being Normal?

Tears are something that we shed.
Something that flows from our eyes.
I used to cry alone at night.
Whenever I got problem.
I can’t solve it.
Because there’s no solution.
So, I cry for something ambiguous.
Something that isn’t exists.
I shout.
I scream.
I ask for help.
Several offered me help.
But, nobody can find the solution either.
Like I said earlier.
There are no solutions for my problems.
They can heal my wounds temporarily.
Scars are still there.
Etched deeply.
Bleed every time.
At first, I can’t stand the pain.
But, as the time goes by…
Pain is my soul mate.
I’m already numb.
I can’t feel pain anymore.
So, bring the pain to the maximum level!
Bring it on!
I can’t shed tears freely anymore.
It’s almost dried up…
What are tears?
Please remind me of tears.
Please remind me of pain.
Please remind me of being “someone” normal.
Fate hasn’t allowed me to die.
I’m not allowed to die now.
How long should I stay alive?
I just want to sleep.
Sleep in eternity and never wake up.


Tormented Complex (TC).

Pride and Envy, BD and TC

Pride and Envy.
Somehow, it related.
Maybe, those are things that always come to my mind.
The things that always complicate everything.
Bothers me every time.
*sigh*
The things that will turn me into a pure asshole whenever it comes.
I don’t know whether it’s BD or TC that has these.
Maybe BD influences TC or vice versa.
TC is a personality that dominates 80% of my life.
But, BD showed up lately.
BD started to take over TC’s part.
TC wants to disappear from this world.
She started to let BD out so everyone can adapt to BD.
BD can handle things better than TC.
TC is lame at everything.
All she can do is just causing trouble for everyone.
Maybe I should let BD take over this body forever.
Let TC buried deep inside or vanish forever.
Pride…
Envy…
Hope BD won’t show that too much.
I think TC has to say goodbye to everyone…
Just be prepared…
In case something bad happen to her...
Well…
Whatever.


TC and BD.

When I'm Gone

Will anybody miss me when I'm gone? Forever?


When I'm Gone
by Simple Plan

We're doing it.

I look around me,
But all I seem to see,
Is people going no where,
Expecting sympathy.

It's like we're going through the motions,
Of a scripted destiny.
Tell me where's our inspiration,
If life wont wait,
I guess it's up to me.

Chorus:
Woah!
No, we're not gonna waste another moment in this town.
Woah!
And we won't come back your world is calling out.
Woah!
We'll leave the past in the past,
Gonna find the future.
If misery loves company well,
So long, you'll miss me when I'm gone.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Procrastination, running circles in my head.
While you sit there contemplating,
You wound up left for dead (left for dead)
Life is what happens while you're busy making your excuses.
Another day, another casualty.
And that won't happen to me.

Chorus

Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
When I'm gone-

Let's go!

Won't look back,
When I say goodbye.
I'm gonna leave this a hole behind me,
Gonna take what's mine tonight.
Because every wasted day becomes a wasted chance.
You're gonna wake up feeling sorry,
Because life wont wait,
I guess it's up to you.

Chorus

Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.


Tormented Complex (TC)

Untitled

Another good lyrics for today...
Somebody... Save me please..
I'm dying here...
I don't want to run to HIM again.
Not that jerk...

"Untitled"
by Simple Plan

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me


Tormented Complex (TC)

Thank You

I'm insane I think.
I post lots of lyrics today...
Well, I just don't know what to say anymore.
Hope the lyrics can represent my feelings.


"Thank You"
by Simple Plan

I thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could become between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright,
We’d be ok.
But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I’ll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back

Yeah!

I wonder why it always has to hurt,
For every lesson that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me,
How you showed me things,
I wish I’d never seen.
But I was stupid,
And you broke me down,
I’ll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship the good times we had you can have them back

When the tables turn again,
You’ll remember me my friend,
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.
I’ll be the one you’ll miss the most,
But you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by,
You’ll wonder why,
You’re all alone.

So thank you for showing me,
That best friends can not be trusted,
And thank you for lying to me,
Your friendship and good times we had you can have them back.

So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, for all the times you let me down
So thank you, for lying to me,
So thank you, your friendship you can have it back

Tormented Complex (TC)

Welcome To My Life

Yeah.. Welcome to my life..
This one really reflects me right now..
*sigh*


Welcome To My Life
by Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Tormented Complex (TC)

Your Love is A Lie

Another lyric...
Well, this one more reflects the relationship of lover.
But, I just want to post it.
Some part of the lyric express what are in my mind right now.
I love Simple Plan's songs.


"Your Love Is A Lie"
by Simple Plan

I fall asleep by the telephone
It's 2 O'clock and I'm waiting up alone
Tell me where have you been?
I found a note with another name
You blow a kiss, but it just don't feel the same
Cause I can feel that you're gone

I can't bite my tongue forever
While you try to play it cool
You can hide behind your stories
But don't take me for a fool

You can tell me that there's nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you're home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know
Your love is just a lie
(Lie)
It's nothing but a lie
(Lie)

You look so innocent
But the guilt in your voice gives you away
Yeah you know what I mean
How does it feel when you kiss when you know that i trust you
And do you think about me when he fucks you?
Could you be more obscene?

So dont try to say you're sorry
Or try to make it right
Don't waste your breath because it's too late, it's too late.

You can tell me that there's nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you're home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know, I know,
Your love is just a lie
(Lie)
It's nothing but a lie
(Lie)
You're nothing but a lie

You can tell me that there's nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you're home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know, I know
Your love is just a lie
(Lie
I know you're nothing but a lie
(Lie)
Lie
(Lie)
Lie
(Lie)
Lie

Your love is just a lie


Tormented Complex (TC)

Time To Say Goodbye

I don't know what strike me again.
I just want to post this lyrics.
I think this song reflects what in my mind right now.
Maybe someone should sing this song to me.


Time To Say Goodbye
by Simple Plan

I just don't wanna waste another day
Im tryin to make things right, but to shove it in my face
And all those things you've done to me i cant erase
And i can't keep this inside
It's time to say goodbye

On the first day that I met you
I should have known to walk away
I should have told you you were crazy
And disappeared without a trace
But instead I stood there waiting
Hoping you would come around
But you always found your way to let me down

It's time to say goodbye (I just don't want to waste another day)
It's time to say goodbye (cuz things won't ever be the same)
It's time to say goodbye (you made me see I need to walk away)
It's time to say goodbye

After all the things I've done for you
You never tried to do the same
It's like you always play the victim
And I'm the one you always blame
When you need someone to save you
When you think you're gonna drown
Cuz if you just wrap your arms around me and pull me down

It's time to say goodbye (I just don't want to waste another day)
It's time to say goodbye (cuz things won't ever be the same)
It's time to say goodbye (you made me see I need to walk away)
It's time to say goodbye

Now I'm gone, it's too late
You can't fix your mistakes
I was trying to save you from you
So you scream, so you cry
I can see through your lies
You're just trying to change me

Somewhere in the distance there's a place for me to go
I don't want you to hate me, but I think you need to know
You're weighing on my shoulders, and I'm sick of feeling down
So i guess it's time for me to say gooodbye

Tormented Complex (TC)

just a wish (rein, hope u read this)

i'm so afraid
if everything that goes right now
will become something bad in future

i think our friendship were tested right now
and i'm afraid i can't pass it
coz' i don't want to lose my best friend for the second time
i'm so afraid with it
although, i could find another friend,
but i don't think they would be the same,
sure they won't

please, whatever happens,
please said to me
that you'll always be my friend......

~vermillion

Mimpi a.k.a Dream

Apa kata org tentang mimpi?
What they said about dreams?

kt org mimpi it impian kita
they said it's our dream

tapi klo mimpi buruk...
if it's a nightmare...

Itukah yg kita inginkan?
Is it what we want?

Kalau boleh memohon,
If i could wish,

kuharap it tak pernah terjadi.
wish it never come true.

tapi aku bs percaya hal it takkan terjadi.
but i believe it will never happen.

krn aku percaya pd org yg kusayangi...
cos' i believe to those i love...

kawan,sampai kapanpun, aku akan tetap disampingmu.
friends,till death do apart, i'll always by yourside.

-->to all my friends...
~vermillion