I Really Mean Nothing For You

Tired…
Whew…
Tired mentally and physically.
Something bothers my mind.
Really bothers me.
I think I know what it is.
But, I just don’t want to admit it.
I was quite disappointed tonight.
Really upset by something.
Well…
I can’t talk to nobody now.
I really need a time to be alone.
Really alone.
Isolated from the society.
Just me alone…
Actually, I’m alone already.
Almost every time…
But, for today, I really need a time of peace.
Maybe I should cool my head down.
I really want to disappear if this is the case.
But, there’s still somebody that disapprove my wish to disappear.
I want BD out forever.
Controlling this main body.
Because, with the mind of TC, the health of this body will only deteriorate.
I don’t understand.
And maybe will never understand.
BD can handle things better.
The theory of the tears that had dried up is a true.
I feel torn out.
It is really hurt inside me.
But, I can’t shed any more tears.
I try another alternatives.
Silly way, actually.
I watched one video that made me burst out into tears when I watched it for the first time.
It didn’t work.
Yeah, I know, silly thing.
Just want to try…
Maybe shedding some tears can make me feel better.
The problem is, it has dried up.
What should I do?
Honestly, I don’t know.
Maybe I’ll put BD out again.
But, with BD out there, I hurt someone.
Now, I feel so wrong.
Everything is wrong.
Either BD or TC, it’ll only bring disaster.
Maybe, third personality will make some changes?
I don’t know…
I just want to be alone.
By the way, I have a message for someone I know who will read this routinely.
I you have read this, please, don’t ask what happen to me.
Don’t ask if I’m okay.
Don’t say that you worry for me.
Don’t say that your heart hurt reading this.
Don’t say anything, okay?
You asked me earlier what I want, right?
This is what I want.
I want to be alone for a while.
I just need a time.
I’ll promise, I’ll be back to normal in no time.
Just don’t bother me first…
Other things.
Don’t cry.
Don’t hurt yourself.
Don’t do something harmful.
You’ll upset me more.
Sorry, okay?
Maybe this message sounds harsh.
But, you know, that’s what I need now.
I’m so sorry.
I don’t mean to hurt you.
I just want to express what inside my heart.
Please, don’t take this wrong.
I still want you beside me.
I still need you.
Just for once.
Give me a time, okay?
Please, keep your promises too.


Tormented Complex (TC)