Dissimilarity

This is BD.
For the first time I exist in this body, I get a whole day for myself!
TC is hiding deep inside me.
But, TC asks me to write what one of many problems in her mind and post it.
TC needs answers that maybe can settle her mind to disappear completely.
TC has started to disappear gradually.
TC wants to sleep forever inside me.
Here is one thing that TC wants to say:

People say every people are unique in their own way.
Divergence in society is something that we should be grateful of.
We are different form the others.
But, even in this diversion, I still can’t find my place.
I’m lost.
Too many differences that I have to face and that has stressed me out beyond my limit.
I look around me, but I found nobody.
I really feel that I’m out of place.
I do have several friends around me.
As the time goes by, I feel that they’re running too fast, away from me.
I’m not capable of chasing them.
They’re really out of reach now.
Really far away.
I don’t know what I should do.
I don’t know if there’re still chances for me to get them back.
To approach them, I’m really not sure of myself.
I don’t know if they still trust me.
Still take me as their friend.
I don’t know if I’m still needed.
I don’t want to back to my old one.
I don’t want to put and create many masks in front of people.
I don’t want to pretend as someone that I myself can’t recognize.
I don’t want to look in the mirror and scream “This isn’t me! I’m not what I am!”
I don’t know where I should go next.
If I lost them, what should I do?
Should I be the old me again?
An ignorance one that didn’t care what actually happen.
Or a new me?
The one that doesn’t have it’s true self?
Only pretending as someone and erase my true identity away?
Why there’re some many differences between me and my friends?
Fate…
Is what you try to tell me here, is that they have left me and I’m alone again?
Where should I go?
Nowhere?
Why there’re so many gap among us?
Am I the one that not worthy enough to be with them?
Not worthy enough to stand beside them?
Well, maybe yes.
Maybe the answer is yes.
I have to put BD out more frequently.
Maybe with that personality, this lifeless body can get a decent place to rest.
A place where at least people see me.
Even though they never admit me as their friends, at least this body is seen.
I’m seen.
I don’t want to be forever invisible.
But, I don’t have my light and shine.
That’s why people never see me.
I’m the part of darkness that makes the place wherever I go veiled with void, emptiness, hopelessness and catastrophe.



Well, that’s all…



BD