Blood and Tears

I wonder…
These days, I spent half of the day crying.
How many nights have I spent just for sobbing?
I wonder if tears could dry and replaced by blood.
This afternoon, I did a really silly thing.
I try to commit suicide and make it look like an accident.
It’s really silly, I must say.
I locked myself in the room; shut the door and windows tight.
Hoping I will die because lacking of oxygen.
I slept there, hoping that when I wake up, I’m already in hell.
It didn’t work, shamefully…
I wonder when I will be healed.
Because I really feel frustrated.
I pretended to be happy to make other people happy.
Because people never know that I’m bleeding inside.
No one can heal it, I believe that.
Why is it so hard to hold tears back?
I don’t know why I keep shedding tears.
Why they don’t turn into blood?

Tormented Complex (TC)