Questioning

June 19, 2009

Let’s say, I have through my hard time. I have got it through. But now, I think I’m living in this world with no reason. Say that I lose my purpose of being a human. I live in this world with no purpose.

I think I fight for nothing. I struggle in this life for what? I don’t even know.

I’m not happy or sad. Not crying or laughing. No regret or grateful.

Maybe I just feel lonely. What reason? For someone who went away? For someone who now in other country? I still have many friends that can fill up my life. I still have family that can support me all the time. Why I must feel this lonely?

Maybe I just lose my emotion. Maybe I just get bored with all of these things. Maybe…

But I still am searching for a reason. Or maybe I need to go away from this world?

I can’t sing, “And the reason is you.” Cause there’s was no one I adore to.
I can’t sing, “And I give up forever to touch you.” Cause I have no one to love from the deep of my heart.
I can’t sing, “What can I do to make you love me?” Cause I can’t do anything now.
I can’t say, “I have a heart to give to you.” Because I think I don’t have heart anymore to give.
I can’t say, “You’ll be in my heart.” Cause there was no you.
I can’t say, “Life is wonderful.” with no purpose.

Maybe I just can sing, “Living in the world without you.” Cause there was no you.
Maybe I just can sing, “Where do we go when we die.” Cause I don’t even know where
Maybe I just can sing, “I will runaway.” Cause I have no choice.
Maybe I just can say, “Kill me now.” Cause the boredom is killing me.
Maybe I just can say, “I’m nothing.” Cause I’m not human or anything, I’m just nobody.
Maybe I just can say, “Leave me alone.” Cause your existence make me unconscious.

Rein