May 13, 2009

Semakin dewasa dan semakin gw bertumbuh secara mental, semakin gw sadari bahwa pada akhirnya gw hidup seorang diri di dunia ini. Meskipun ada orang-orang lain di sekitar kita yang menemani, bukan berarti mereka dapat selalu ada untuk kita begitu pula kita untuk mereka.

Semakin gw sadari bahwa yang selama ini gw perjuangkan untuk orang lain semakin tidak berarti. Karena pada akhirnya yang mendapat penghargaan atas apa yang telah gw buat adalah orang-orang lain. Dan tidak ada yang mengingat berapa susahnya gw melakukan hal itu.

Dan selama ini gw gak pernah menemukan orang yang menyadari bahwa gw selama ini bekerja di belakang dan melakukan hal-hal kotor lainnya hanya untuk kepentingan orang-orang di sekitar gw. Gw melakukan hal itu agar hal-hal buruk yang tidak diharapkan tidak akan terjadi. Namun sampai saat ini, gw belum menemukan ada orang yang sepenuhnya menyadari bahwa gw melakukan semua itu.

Gw bukan berpikir kalo gw ini membutuhkan pujian ataupun membutuhkan penghargaan dari orang-orang di sekitar gw. Tapi yang gw butuhkan saat ini adalah pernyataan akan keberadaan diri gw di dunia ini.

Ataukah gw emang tidak diharapkan untuk terus berada di dunia ini. Karena keberadaan gw sebenarnya tidak berarti sama sekali. Gw udah gak mau tau lagi. Karena semakin lama gw hidup semakin banyak yang membebani gw dan di satu sisi gw semakin kehilangan arti hidup gw.

Rein

Dream and Delusion

May 11, 2009

I don’t know what happen to me.
I was sleeping at the evening
I have an unconscious dream.
I dream about someone that went away about 4 years ago to another country.
In my dream, I met again with him.
I don’t know but it makes me feel lonely.
Cause I can remember all the things that we have done together.
Actually it’s not like me to say such a sentimental things like this.
But because that dream, I can recall all the things with him.

Rein

Feel the pain, feel the suffer

Now, my life was upside down...
Nothing happened as what I imagine before

Actually it's not a big a deal for me
But for the real
why such a thing like this happen to me???
Why?

every unlucky thing comes to my life
one by one
slow but sure

i just want to live happily
without pain n suffer
no deal for hope
no think to die

but somehow
i just want to erase my existance in this world
and never want to live this life anymore

i try to ignore everything
everyone

but when i try that
many of you come to me to say this and that
so i can't do that

as my parents so
they put to much hopr on my shoulders

as my big brother
he put unforgetable swear to me

as my second brother
he put unforgetable promise to me

and as my life goes on
i still need to struggle with many things

i need to face the pain
i need to fight the suffer

although i ain't gonna live in this world
i still need to face the truth


Rein

TC

yeah i've been reading ur post
i have watch the same movie

but at last
you could never say that she betray him just for herself
she has another reason to betray
even though it's an unforgivable things

somehow we need to lie to the dearest person
and at last
she shows her words to him
life it's not that simple

maybe u can say i'm the Trickster

I Hope...

I ever wonder…
I wake up in a random morning.
Somebody told me that my time in this world is only a day left.
Wow…
I’ll be full of joy after hearing that.
I wish…
I fell sick suddenly.
Then, the doctor said that I suffered from cancer or whatever severe disease and told me that I can only survive not more than several months…
Another joy…
I want…
To live alone somewhere in this part of world.
Only me, alone.
Enjoying my peace time.
Doing things I want…
Yesterday, I watched “Wolverine” on the cinema.
Well, the real title is “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”.
I heard one saying there.
Very memorable for me.

“I thought you are the moon and I’m the one who brought flower for you. I thought I’m your Wolverine. But, you are the Trickster, right? And I’m the foolish guy who you tricked.”

So touching, yet, sad.
The guy who lived and survived for revenge, at the end found out that he tried to take revenge on someone who actually didn’t deserve it.
Whoever got near him will be in great danger and bad luck.
At the end, his memories were erased.
He even couldn’t recognize himself.
I wish I were someone like him.
At least, living for revenge.
Even it does hurt to know that the one you fight for has betrayed you.


Tormented Complex (TC)

that's enough

yah itu perasaan yang menghantui gw untuk beberapa hari terakhir

rein

Vero nihil verius

March 25, 2009

“Tidak ada yang lebih benar daripada kebenaran itu sendiri”

Hidup ini terus mencari kebenaran
Tapi mengingat kebenaran yang ada selama ini
Kita hanya melihat
Segala kebenaran hanyalah sumber kegetiran hidup
Bukan menjadi motivasi untuk bertahan hidup

Kalau terus begitu
Buat apa manusia masih mencari-cari kebenaran
Buat apa manusia terus berjuang
Kalau segala kebenaran sudah ditetapkan oleh Tuhan

Kebenaran bahwa hidup tak selamanya indah
Kebenaran bahwa akhir hidup adalah kematian
Kebenaran bahwa kematian merupakan suatu kehilangan dan kehampaan
Kebenaran bahwa tak ada yang abadi di dunia ini
Kebenaran bahwa waktu terus berjalan
Kebenaran bahwa segala sesuatu perlu perjuanagn
Kebenaran bahwa yang benar akan selalu menang
Kebenaran bahwa terang akan mengalahkan kegelapan

Kegelapan

March 23, 2009

“kegelapan akan dikalahkan oleh terang”
“yang memilih kegelapan akan kalah oleh terang”

Sesuatu yang sudah menjadi klise
Menganggap bahwa kegelapan selalu jahat
Keliru!
Semua itu salah!
Apa memang kegelapan itu selalu jahat?

Bukankah kegelapan adalah suatu bentuk penantian
Penantian dalam menunggu datangnya terang
Kegelapan bukanlah penjara
Bukan juga jalan buntu
Melainkan pintu masuk menuju terang
Pintu untuk menyongsong sesuatu yang baru
Yang akan menjadi semakin berarti saat gelap kembali datang

Cup of Life

March 22, 2009

Manusia tak pernah bisa membayar segala sesuatu yang telah dilakukan
Manusia selalu berharap lebih tanpa berbuat banyak
Manusia selalu meminta lebih daripada memberi
Lambat laun keinginan manusia seperti cangkir yang terus diis sampai airnya tumpah

Dan disaat air yang jatuh semakin banyak dan tumpah
Saat itu pulalah manusia mengalami kejatuhan

Namun ada yang bangkt dan berdiri
Dan mencari cangkir yang lebih besar
Yang mampu menampung keinginannya lebih banyak lagi

Ada yang berdiam diri sejenak
Kemudian memecahkan cangkir yang sudah terlalu kecil

Ada yang jatuh dan tumpah tanpa pernah berusaha bangkit
Sampai air yang tersisa dan air yang jatuh pun habis dan mengering

Manakah diriku?
Manakah dirimu?
Akupun tak tahu

Malam tanpa bulan

March 16, 2009

Saat matahari tenggelam
Saat hitam menutupi bumi
Saat gelap menguasai hari

Malam ini menjadi malam
Malam tanpa bulan
Malam tanpa dia yang menemani

Sepi dan sunyi
Gelap dan dingin
Itulah yang menemaniku saat ini

I Don't Understand!!!!

I don't understand...
I don't understand...
I don't understand EVERYTHING!!!

Tormented Complex (TC)

Not Important at All, Don't Bother to Read

Feels like wanting to fill the blog, but I don’t have any interesting thing to be said.
Only some problems, but I don’t feel like writing it.
Well, maybe because people will grow bored if I write that again and again.
I’ll just fill in some random things.
I can’t think anything clearly, because my mind is clouded.
I am also distracted by something.
My structure and the arrangement of the sentences in this post will be absolutely awful too…
My head is spinning…
Hmmm…
Yeah, I have a week of holiday.
But, the teachers gave me lots of things and homework.
I haven’t finished any…
Haha11x.
Screw the homework…
I just need a time of peace…
Being in my room, just laying on the bed doing nothing will be absolutely a great thing!!!
Add some heavy metal music from the radio sounds good too…

Tormented Complex (TC)

Lonely Again

Another post from me.
So tired…
But also, I am relieved because I have arrived at my home.
Being in my school is so hard these days.
Having some problems again (well, always have, actually).
Maybe I can say I have problems with my social life again.
Well, that’s obvious.
Considering I am not really a person who can get along easily.
Sometimes, I think…
I contemplate.
What have I done in my life up till now?
I only keep studying.
Maybe that’s how I make myself to be visible to other.
Because that’s the only thing I can do!
I study; get some good scores in the exams to please my parents.
Try to do all the homework, then, lend it to my friend on tomorrow morning to be copied.
People only know me as a diligent student.
Someone, who they can rely on when they forget to do their homework.
Someone, who they can ask to finish all the group’s work.
Simply because I can’t abandon my duties.
That’s the only thing I can do.
Even if I have studied hard, I still can’t get really satisfying scores.
I can’t deny that sometimes I get pissed when I got bad scores.
Maybe because I have studied hard and that’s the only way for me to keep being visible in people’s eyes.
My mom ever said to me, “What’s the point for you to keep studying like that? You study for 8 hours and your score even lower than them who only study for 2 hours!”
She also said to me, “You work on your assignment for 4 hours, but your score even lower than them who just worked on theirs in the morning at school!”
What a pity.
My mom said that I have just to study, finish my education, pick a job, maybe as an accountant, make money, and then get married.
Surely boring life…
She also said to me many times that I don’t have talents.
So, what’s the point of that hard work?
Maybe no…
Just try to waste my time.
You know…
People stare at me with “fuck off” words written clearly on their faces.
I am pretty confident that they would rather spend 3 hours with someone they hate than being with me just for 5 minutes.
This Wednesday, my friend did a reflection for the religion lesson.
When I said that my talent is playing game, they instantly laughed on me.
Well, playing game is the only thing I think I can do.
No playing some silly mini games, but real games, which force you to think and master the controls of the game.
People even earn money by playing games!
The winners of Counter Strike competition earn 3 millions rupiah!
A professional gamer is really appreciated in America.
A guy with codename: F4atality is one professional gamers which well known in US.
Game producer will ask him to play the game they made.
If they get good reviews from him, the game will be absolutely become a hit.
A pleasant and relaxing job.
I wish people would see me not because I’m a diligent student who is useful for them.
I hope they can see me from what I really like the most.
I have thrown away my biggest dream.
Work alone again…
Try alone and keep the pain alone. (wow, good phrase!)

Tormented Complex (TC)

Ketika Aku Tua Nanti…

(Anonim ~dengan perubahan seperlunya)
(WARNING: puisi ini benar2 menyedihkan. Gw menemukan puisi ini dari sebuah poster yg dengan ajaib gw ga ngerti ada di rmh gw)
sayuran ke bajuku,
Ingatlah bagaimana aku mengajarimu makan

Ketika aku tua nanti
Aku sudah tak seperti yang dulu, maklumilah aku.

Ketika aku menumpahkan
Di saat aku dengan pikunnya mengulang terus ucapan-ucapanku yang membosankan,
Ingatlah saat aku mengulang terus dongeng yang sama agar kau tertidur pulas

Di saat aku kebingungan menhadapi eknologi modern,
Ingatlah bagaimana aku menjawab setiap pertanyaan ’mengapa’ yang kau ajukan

Di saat aku kesulitan berjalan,
Ulurkanlah tanganmu seperti saat aku mengajarimu berjalan

Di saat engkau melihat diriku menua, janganlah bersedih
Maklumilah dan dukunglah aku, seperti aku terhadapmu saat kau belajar kehidupan
~vermillion92
(well, mungkin ga sesedih yang kalian kira tapi buat gw puisi ini bener2 ngena)

Ciptaan-Nya atau Citra-Nya?

Manusia..
Ciptaan-Nya
Citra-Nya

Manusia itu….
Ciptaan-Nya atau Citra-Nya??

Kalau manusia itu Ciptaan-Nya,
mengapa kita tidak boleh bertindak seperti ciptaan-Nya yang lain?

Kalau manusia itu Citra-Nya,
mengapa ia begitu hina oleh nista yang diperbuatnya?
~vermillion92