Death Wish

It’s me…
I’ve been absent from this blog for a long time…
Can’t sleep tonight.
I contemplated a lot.
About many things.
Maybe it is my annual disease strikes me again.
But, I feel that my “disease” just try to give me a signal about things I should do.
There’s no place for me anywhere.
I don’t belong anywhere.
Often I asked God, why I still exist in this world?
It is better for me if I don’t exist.
Or maybe I should end my life right now?
Nobody will miss me though.
I bet people will cry in joy when they hear about my dead.
Or maybe I should vanish completely; people will never realize that I have vanished either.
How pathetic…
I am on my attempt to ruin my own health.
I want my health deteriorate slowly.
I’m so upset.
I don’t feel like doing anything anymore.
Dreams are bullshits.
I don’t believe in dreams anymore.
People say that I’m a hard worker.
Even I do that, it never worth anything.
I never got what I want.
Only emptiness and void that remains inside me now.
I don’t think I can believe in something anymore.
I don’t know what should I fight for now.
Currently listening to my favorite video game songs.
The title is “Sibling Showdown”.
Still contemplating things.
I also think about my school.
I think I have picked the wrong school.
Maybe that time I should have decided to remain at my old school.
Even though I think it will not change anything.
I shouldn’t have moved from my very first school.
I’m just the lowest being that coincidentally accepted by good school.
Being among multitalented people somehow torture me a lot.
Especially if you’re like me.
Just a too ordinary being, untalented and unskilled.
Yeah, pathetic again…
Well, maybe this is the longest posting I’ve ever made…
I’m soooooooo dead!
Maybe even God think that I don’t deserve die.
People have the right to die.
Well, I forgot.
I’m not people.
A “being”, yeah…
Wound can heal but scars can’t.
Maybe I should plan about how should I die.
I want to look cool even at the moment of my dead.
That’s so lame…
For Rein and Vermillion, I want black roses at my coffin if I really die…
That will enlighten me a bit.
Got it?
Good.


Tormented Complex (TC)